LETTING GO

“How much of human life is lost in waiting.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

It was an October morning when I woke up and wondered how I want to spend my life. Maybe it was the gloominess of that particular morning that pushed me to such thoughts. Maybe it was simply the time to think them.

My mind seemed split in what I was before that morning and what I will be after it. I could almost see the two twins of myself facing each other in waiting. The future me, Ave, felt the imposed pressure of impending decision while the old me, Paso, was waiting patiently, powerless because all that it was holding had already happened.

Ave grabbed Paso’s hand: “Don’t worry, she said, I will be there with you when you do not recognize what is happening since it had not happened to you before. It simply does not matter if you recognize things or not. It is just a different path to learn anew.”

RETROSPECTIVE

“We pass through the present with our eyes blindfolded. We are permitted merely to sense and guess at what we are actually experiencing. Only later when the cloth is untied can we glance at the past and find out what we have experienced and what meaning it has.” Milan Kundera

20 20 hindsight is the sought-after medicine of the uncertain soul, and it is the power that drives us all further. The past, however, can be both mesmerizing and entrapment.

The pride that comes with it is what informs the actions of our future, and the lessons of our mistakes help us navigate new conundrums.

Life is a weaving cloth, spread above fields and mountains, floating in the glistening sun, resting on the skins of oceans. A non-mechanical weave with threads pulled out here and there, small holes, entangled knots, the beauty of it all enhanced by such imperfections that are only made into defects by science. With two parents who lived at the edge of scientific certainty and unexplained humanity, I’ve learned to constantly question where these both sit and when they simply should not step on each other’s feet.

That’s where a retrospective lies still. Frozen ball of mishmashed life nicely shoved in a small cannon, ready to shoot out and punch another perfect whole in an imperfect world.

BELONGING

“Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging have the courage to be imperfect.” Brene Brown

You’re in. You’ve got your people. Someone has your back. You have someone else’s back. That’s what belonging could be. A sense of certitude like no other. That you matter in the context of others, those who accepted you for who you are because you are like them or, simply complement them on some cosmic level.

Reasons are seldom important when things just are the way they are. Clans are built on this. Environmental, social and political interests. Families and friendships.

Your clan gives you the strength to try things new, to be imperfect, to risk and not be safe on all fronts. Then when you dangle down from the cliff and reach out to grab a beautiful rock-bound flower that fearlessly bloomed above an abyss, you have the power and confidence to safely do so.